Have you ever seen a couple in your church or community and wondered, "How do they have such faith? What is their secret?"
Well, I don't think there is much of a secret formula to a thriving marriage BUT I do think there are some things that we can do to sweeten our relationship with our spouse and point one another to Jesus.
Before we begin, there is something very important to point out: Marriage is not about us. It is not about our spouse. It is not about our joy. In order to see a flowing faith in our marriage we have to know what it is about.
Marriage is designed to do three main things:
Bless us through our relationship's pale reflection of Jesus and His bride.
Pursuing Jesus in community and to build His kingdom.
So when we see our marriages through the proper lens, we can begin to envision a whole new life and purpose for our relationships.
5 Ways to Have a Faith Filled Marriage
1. Spiritual Disciplines, Rhythms and Practices
Just walking out a life of faith alongside one another is one of the most beautiful things we can do as couples. There are many, many ways to do this. This list does not even cover a fraction of what you could do to experience God together:
Sit in silence
Be in nature
Practice weekly Sabbath (my favorite!)
Attend small groups + weekly church services
Worship (music, art etc.)
Walk through a labyrinth
Quiet time routines
Practice regular hospitality
Eat together with no distractions
Celebrate God's goodness
Shared weekly check-in journal
TIP: If you have kids, I totally get that it can be hard to do any of this together. One of the greatest gifts we can offer our spouse is uninterrupted time with God. Set aside some time weekly to let the other person get out or hide away to be with the Lord in the way they need that week.
Bringing our struggles, our sin and our convictions out into the light does a few things:
Releases the enemy's hold of fear on our lives
Keeps us accountable
Brings us to pray and seek God together
Humanizes one another
You do not have to have everything figured out to share. Come to your marriage as you are and desire transformation through sharing your heart with the other person.
This is not an easy one but regularly confessing sin as a couple is powerful. Be prayerful about what you bring to the other person especially when it is about them or could really hurt them. But being honest with one another could be the first step in your healing journey. Give and receive grace and depend on a good Father to walk alongside you both. Marriage is for our sanctification.
3. Adopt a Business Mindset
It may not be the sexiest thing but adopting a business mindset around marriage is actually one of the keys to becoming one another's teammate! Being one another's teammate is the greatest gift you can give not only each other but the entire family. Trying to compete will only divide your relationship. When one wins, the other loses. This does not bring the unity that we called to!
This is easier said than done sometimes but what I have found most helpful is having a business mindset.
If you have a healthy and thriving business, there are a few things you might do:
Have a vision and mission: When you have a collective mission, you are more focused on the main thing. Write out an actual family or marriage mission and vision statement as well as your core values.
Meet regularly: If you have a vision, you meet regularly to make sure you are staying on track. We have 'Quarterly Meetings' to keep us focused where we meet every three months to deep dive into how our household is managing, future goals and needs as well as a check in to our overall health: spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Check them out here!
3. Play on each other's strengths and weaknesses: Acknowledging one another's zone of genius is a lot more productive than allowing pride to steer the ship.
4. Dream: Dream about your future goals, aspirations and desires. See how you can collectively support them and hold them in prayer.
5. Problem solve and strategize: Sometimes we just need to strategize to keep the peace in our households. This could look like a new rhythm or a new way of communicating. Work together.
4. Kingdom Building Together
Our job as believers and one of the core purposes as Christian couples is to build His kingdom: to bring Jesus to earth in all areas of our own lives, to bring justice and healing to a broken world and to glorify God in all we do.
Here are three categories that you can use to encourage one another in Kingdom building:
Inside Out: This is a term that my husband and I have used for years. It starts with our own lives and relationship with God. Pressing into relationship with Him so that He continues His transforming work. We do this as a couple by reminding one another of our center relationship with God.
Integrated Faith: Look at your life and examine how God fits into each category. Are you including Him in these areas?
Household + Hospitality
Friendships + Family relationships
Physical, Emotional and Mental Health
ETC. (There are so many more you could include!)
Personal Ministries: Do you have a personal ministry? You may feel called to something as big as your own business that serves clients OR you could be the one to bring a casserole to new moms. Big or small, we are called to go above and beyond!
Of course.. we can't forget this one. Pursuing one another romantically is a mirrored image of Jesus pursuing us! Our romantic unity can be such a beautiful picture of Christ's unity with His bride.
There are a number of ways to pursue one another romantically but I will just state the obvious through our beloved 'Love Languages':
Physical affection and... have sex! Enough said.
Spend quality time together. Be intentional in carving out time to be alone together especially when you have children. We have weekly dates (in and out of the house) as well as overnights alone about twice a year!
Serve one another. Take on the other's chores or make something special to go with dinner that they love. The options are limitless.
Affirm one another. Actions speak louder than words but it doesn't hurt.
Gifts. A gift says that you are thinking of the other person when they aren't around. Super romantic!
While this is not an exhaustive list, I hope that these 5 ways will encourage you to pursue a life of faith that includes your spouse! Faith is a very personal thing but it is richer when shared those you love most.
Love these tips? Listen in on some of our favorite relationship 'Faith School Podcast' episodes!
Faith School Podcast is for women of faith who are ready to put their faith into action in every area of their life and to claim the name of “Kingdom Builder.” This practical podcast is not just a list of how-to's, but is here to prompt you to take action and adopt the KINGDOM way of life: Surrender to a Holy God. Your host is Leah Rempel, joining you in the messy middle of a surrendered faith. Listen in every second Monday anywhere you listen to podcasts!